Jayme K's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios. And just to spice it up a bit, each author gets to ask their own Would You Rather question to the author who appears after them....

Jayme K's

Would You Rather

Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?

My tongue—I feel like that would be far more impressive.

Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?

A long string of moderate sellers. Having a bestselling novel doesn’t mean shit nowadays. Snooki had a bestseller. Consistency, to an extent, shows value.

Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?

A well-known author now. What’s the point of being considered a genius if you can't be around to celebrate it?

Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one?

Christ… Probably the latter.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?

Well, Stephen King’s IT contains well over 5 million words—so I’m going to have to go with the second option.

Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success?

That’s a very good question. As much as I believe that writing for one’s self should come first and foremost, I think I would have to go with the ‘overnight success’, if only because that could lead to greater opportunities and would simultaneously prop me up a soapbox that I could use to denounce the book as trash.

Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?

A character I hated. You can kill a character off or, if you’re more generous, make them redeemable.

Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink?

Blood freaks me out. Even though I’d run out of room quickly, I’d rather use my skin as paper.

Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life?

That’s catch 22, isn’t it? The characters I generally write about tend to be horrible people. In the case of Disorderly, I’m either damning myself to cannibalism or allowing my lead character to kill and eat people in the real world. I’d rather not be the perpetrator, so I’ll go with the second one.

Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E?

I’d nix punctuation and capitalization.

Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book?

I’d like my book to be handed out in kindergarten classrooms across the country.

Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas?

I stand with Rand.

Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?

Speaking in haiku—the latter would royally fuck up my career path.

Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read?

If I were stuck on an island with the 50 Shades series as my only reading material, I’d likely become depressed and possibly suicidal. I’ll take Russian, Turkish, Bolivian—anything. Hand me a German encyclopedia. The 50 Shades books would be the last thing on my list.

Would you rather critics rip your book apart publically or never talk about it at all?

Literary criticism is a weird thing to me. It’s one thing to not like a book due to its content, but entirely something else to tear it apart—especially in the case novels. It’s just too vast to properly critique without inserting personal bias. In this instance, better negative than non-existent.

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?

Easily, an internal narrator. Who would ever want to be that exposed?

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?

Pen and paper. Although giving up the computer might be better for my health.

Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?

Hm, I’m going to say laying down flat on my back. I would at least be able to prop my laptop up on my chest that way.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

Both sound like an absolute nightmare, but given the fact that I’m an attention whore—I’ll go with the first option.

Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well? 

The former. To put it in cinematic terms, you can only watch so much of Barry Lyndon before you find yourself questioning if it’s even worth the time to finish.

And now see Jayme's answer to Lavinia's question from last week:

Would you rather draft work in a busy bustling cafe with lots of chaos to draw inspiration from or would you rather be isolated in a log cabin with no interruptions at all?

I would much rather be isolated. For the life of me, I can't concentrate at all in a cluttered or noisy environment.

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Check back next week to see what Isaac Marion would rather, 

and see his answer to Jayme's question:

Would you rather be forced to kill off the main character’s pet or child when writing a novel?

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Jayme K. is the author of the novel Disorderly, as well as numerous short stories, essays, and poems. His work has been published by UnHollywood, Before Sunrise Press, Underground Books, Miracle E-zine, Nostrovia! Poetry, Your Daily Subvert, Moon Project, and Flash Fiction 365. He lives in Boston.