Would You Rather
Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?
Feet, definitely. Mostly because I drink coffee while I write, so my tongue isn’t available. Also, I’m a bit of a germaphobe, so touching my tongue to the keyboard is a sickening proposition.
Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?
One giant bestseller, assuming it would buy me a house. That’d be pretty sweet. Plus, I’m always going to write, regardless of success, so might as well go big at least once, right?
Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?
Well known now, please. What good is anything after death? I don’t have faith in that.
Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one?
I’d go without. Having to start every sentence with a conjunction sounds like a constraint that might give me bouts of depression and/or diarrhea.
Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?
Word tattoos rule. Plus, have your heard audio books? Most sound like they are recorded by a gin-soaked community theater reject eager to exonerate his own voice. No thanks.
Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that compromises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success?
Jokingly, compromise everything. Seriously, belief in what you write is ten thousand times more important than readership or success.
Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?
You can kill a character you hate.
Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink?
Blood. It would look startling, stark, and it isn’t covered in hair and freckles and the rest. Look really closely at someone’s skin sometime. Super gross for the most part.
Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life?
I’m already a character in a novel I’ve written. More than one probably. And several of my characters in every novel are based on real life, having already enacted way more than the horrors I put them through. Shit. Did I answer that one?
Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E?
I want to write a novel called “Sleepless Esteemed Freewheeler” so, you know.
Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book?
Teach, I think, though I’d bet banning actually sells more copies.
Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas?
Wow, both of those sound great. I like the word “bloviate” though, so I’ll take that.
Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?
Umm, I don’t talk a whole lot, except to my wife and in my classrooms, and both of those instances would probably appreciate some haiku-speak truncating my thoughts.
Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or only a series written in a language you can't read?
50 Shades. Not sure why. Maybe the domination aspect? Again, not sure why.
Would you rather critics rip your book apart publicly or never talk about it at all?
Jimmy James, the director of WYNX, said there is no such thing as “bad publicity.”
Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?
That would make for a pretty righteous Twitter feed. And, a narration of every move I make would highlight my OCD in a terrible way. My head would explode.
Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?
I could give up my computer in an instant. Pens are beautiful.
Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?
Tippy-toes. Have you ever tried to get good pressure on the page when you are holding it up in the air with your other hand? What a cluster that is.
Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?
If no one showed up, I’d gladly read naked.
Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well?
I suppose excellent story / poor writing would hold my attention longer. I mean, I’ve ready Darkly Dreaming Dexter, and the story held that sucker together fairly well.
And here is JA's response to MP Johnson's question from last week:
Would you rather write a 20 page essay about your bowling ability or a weekly column about your bowel's abilities?
My bowels are an active plot, and my bowling average blows, so I'd go the butt instead of the balls route.
Check back next week to see how Nick Antosca answer's JA Tyler's question:
Would you rather have rampant misspellings in your obituary or
a negative New York Times review of your book?
J. A. Tyler is the author of the poetry collection Variations of a Brother War, the collaborative art / text experiment No One Told Me I Was Going to Disappear, co-authored with John Dermot Woods, and Colony Collapse, a poetic psalm. His novel The Zoo, a Going is forthcoming from Dzanc Books. He teaches theater and film in Colorado.