Would You Rather
Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?
I should say “my feet,” because my tongue tends to get me in more trouble. However, it’s exactly that quality about my tongue that will likely lead to better stories. Plus, the lack of opposable thumbs on my feet is a touchy subject for me.
Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?
Fortunately, I have a day job that I love: a producer, director and editor of commercials and documentary films. That means I’m not really focused on how many copies my books will sell, but how many people will be entertained by reading them. If I must choose, I’ll go with the long string … because I could use it as garland at Christmas, assuming the string is strong enough.
Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?
I published my first novel this year at 43. As a result, the second option is looking more likely than the first.
Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one?
And what’s wrong with beginning a sentence with a conjunction? Or a question, for that matter?
Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?
I have to go with the audio. As a father who works from home, I’ve become adept at tuning things out. Plus, the tattoo might get in the way of the map to Dry Land currently tattooed on my back. (Nothing brings the house down like outdated references to Costner in Waterworld.)
Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success?
I have to go with the former, which might explain some things about my current career trajectory.
Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?
A hated character can always be redeemed, but a heinous plot twist can never be untwisted.
Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink?
Blood as ink. In fact, I’m surprised the NSA isn’t requiring us all to do this, so our books will be indelibly marked with our DNA.
Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life?
I would much rather be a character in my novel. That world is much more fun and magical than our own.
Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E?
I’ll have to go with the lack of punctuation. By the way, this question would have created a serious existential crisis for E.E. Cummings.
Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book?
Ban it! Bans are much better for marketing.
Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas?
Is suicide an option? If I must choose, I’ll go with Thomas. An angry, drunken Welshman is far more preferable than listening to Rand recount the talking points of every neo-con on my Facebook newsfeed.
Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?
The temptation to answer
This one in haiku
Overwhelms my need to write
Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read?
50 Shades. I could never use the other as fire starters or toilet paper without worrying it might be a classic.
Would you rather critics rip your book apart publically or never talk about it at all?
Coming from the advertising world, I have to go back to the old adage of “any publicity is good publicity.” Plus, it’s far better to boldly try and fail than to never try at all.
Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?
Should I be worried that both of these are already true of my life? No, seriously, should I?
Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?
This one’s too easy. Pens and paper are only tools for creation. The computer not only serves as a writing tool, but is also my primary means of communications, a treasure trove of research and my window to the world when I’m locked in my windowless basement for 16-18 hours at a time. (No, I am not in prison. However, with the name Wayne, it’s only a matter of time.) Plus, thanks to lack of practice, my penmanship has become illegible even to me.
Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?
It depends. Am I writing a mystery or a steamy romance?
Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?
Doing the former would result in the latter.
Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well?
This is tricky. I’m a fan of wordplay, but I’m also a lover of strong narrative. Ultimately, a good story will linger longer with me than good style, and story affects people more deeply. I have to go with content.
And here's Wayne's response to Caleb J Ross's question from last week:
Would you rather get drunk in a dive bar with J.K Rowling or attend a church service with Chuck Palahniuk?
I'm not sure getting drunk with Jo would be wise, as I'm not entirely certain all those spells and potions are fictional. However, I think Chuck would dig my church. Better yet, I'd invite Chuck to meet me and my pastor in a bar. (My pastor always picks up the tab.)
Check back next week to see how MP Johnson answer's Wayne's question:
Would you rather be forced to kill off your favorite character or to make your least favorite character your protagonist?
Wayne Franklin grew up in the suburbs of Mobile, Alabama, the son of a mechanic from rural Escambia County and an office manager from Fairhope – the inspiration for Decent Chance. Despite this undeniably Southern background and the fact that he is the creator of the blog real-southern.com, Wayne still has no discernible accent.
A career commercial director and editor, Wayne co-founded the Sidewalk Film Festival in Birmingham and is the co-producer/director of the award-winning documentary Duke & The King. He is currently co-directing a new music documentary about legendary Newgrass pioneer Sam Bush and writing Midway Mouse, the sequel to Midlife Mouse.
When not writing, blogging, producing, directing or editing, Wayne does his best to not fail miserably as a husband and father to his wife and two kids.