Read 11/4/13 -11/12/13
5 Stars - Highly Recommended / The Next Best Book
Pages: 208
Publisher: Quirk Books
Released: Now
Reviewed by both TNBBC and Drew Broussard
When Lori and Drew both ended up with copies of The Geek’s
Guide to Dating, a brilliantly insane idea struck. While they both love books and are
self-professed geeks, their lives are otherwise almost diametrically
opposed: Boy vs girl – check. Young
twenty-something vs late thirty-something – check. Recently single vs long time
couple – check. No kids vs kids – check.
And so a read-along was proposed, with a running email conversation, as they delved into one man’s guide to love in the time of geek.
In this installment, Chapter 3 – how to ask out your dream
geek, amazing dates both taken and desired, and what’s the deal with wingmen
anyway….
TNBBC:
So, C3 dissects
different modes of “asking a girl out” and I’ve got to raise the red flag over
the whole social media as a medium thing. Eric calls it best and urges dudes to
use good ole face-to-face or even the phone instead. For me, face-to-face is
the best way to propose a date. Throwing out a date proposal on Twitter or
Facebook is simultaneously stalkerish and impersonal and the scaredy-cat’s way
out. I’d much rather watch a dude work up a sweat and drip snot out of his nose
while he screws up the effort to pull the trigger on a date question (and oh my
god yes this has happened to me I literally watched snot drip out of a guys
nose and trickle down towards his lips while he summoned up the courage to ask
for my email or phone number when he informed me he was quitting work and
wanted to keep in touch) than open a Facebook message and read a well thought
out and sweet come-on. For real. (and I totally didn't give him either, and he totally knew I was married and SOOOO not interested).
RB: I like
that Eric is urging, in sort of a sheep-dog, herding-you-in-the-right-direction
way, guys to man up and do it in a non-social media fashion. Because -
actually, a) because that story is HILARIOUS. and I'll wager that the
dude probably, somewhere deep down inside, feels like he's a better person for
having asked in person. but also b) because it is better
to do it non-social-media-y. And I say this being wholly guilty of using
text messages to set things up. I've never asked a girl out on Twitter or
Facebook (although they can be excellent flirtation tools in the utility belt,
next to my shark repellent bat-spray) but I've done it over the phone, I've brought up the "hey, wanna get a drink?" thing via text...
embarrassingly enough, that's even how I first asked out my last g/f.
TNBBC: What did you think
about some of Eric’s dating ideas? I kind of like the whole used bookstore/book
sale, museum, outdoor event thing. It’s so much better than a stale ole date to
the movies or just dinner. Even bowling or a friendly game of pool is cool. Or
a wine tasting event? There’s this winery around here that once or twice a year
invites couples to do a group grape squashing thing, where you get in a big tub and walk on the grapes like in that
Keanu Reeves movie A Walk in the Clouds, and THEN attend a wine tasting event.
Two “dates” I
wished I had been taken on, (1) Corn Maze, Apple/Pumpkin picking in the fall
and (2) a couples cooking class. I always thought those would be cool things to
do as you’re getting to know a new boyfriend/girlfriend. My hubby and I
actually had our very first couples massage this year – but it wasn't really
what I expected NOR something I would recommend for newbies in the dating game.
There’s literally no talking and you’re lying on a table under a blanket
totally naked with only 5 feet between you and them. That might be a bit much
on a first date, you think?
RB: That
winery date sounds AMAZING. As does a couples massage, although, yeah, probably
gonna wanna wait a little while for that one. At least until you're
comfortable naked together - like, really comfortable, considering
you're just kinda hanging out while other people massage you.
I've
done the apple picking date, which is a surprisingly good litmus test for
whether a girl can handle the outdoors (you know, before you ask her to go
camping or something). I love the cooking class idea - I've never taken a
cooking class, solo or otherwise, although I love to cook... that's going in
the back of my mind, for sure. I like Eric's list, too - movies ARE such
a stale thing, unless you can work something interesting into it (example: ex
g/f and I's first-date movie was at MoMA, an old Hitchcock screened in 35mm).
The outdoor event / used bookstore thing is good, especially because it
can just be a nice way to get to know someone: you walk around, you look at
things, there's no pressure to do, you just get to be.
Although
it's also much more nerve-wracking - and, I'd argue, harder to do in certain
situations (i.e. living in the city). I'm lucky when I can get a girl to
join me for a play or grab a drink - not because they aren't interested,
necessarily, but because everyone's schedules are "so crazy"....
which is why I often have dated friends or friends-of-friends.
Which
brings me to Eric's sidebar about the friendzone. Much as I hate that
term, I really like the advice he has there - it was the first time that the
book actually spoke directly to me as opposed to somewhat obliquely /
objectively. I have a ton of really close female friends - including my
best friend, who is also an ex.And so it can be tough to separate emotions at
times and I've never heard it expressed so eloquently, the idea that it's okay
to get your emotions mixed up but also here's how to a) be a good friend while
also maybe b) advancing yourself when you can. College me is ESPECIALLY
interested in that segment.
TNBBC:
Ah yes. The dreaded
friend zone. I hate to admit it but I have certainly stuck quite a few great
guys in that zone during my much younger years (and I’ve also been placed there
myself). Usually it would be dudes I had been interested in but realized that
there were one or two weird personality things or annoying habits that I knew I
couldn’t totally get down with at the time. It sucks when you really like
someone and they put up the friend barrier like it’s no big thing.
Just for the record, we
never actually did the winery date. It did sound amazing but was booked up at
the time. Another one to add to my “date wishlist”. Le sigh. But if we did do
it, I bet it WOULD have been amazing!
Did I mention my
husband and I had our very first unofficial/official date in the middle of the
woods, camping with my friends? His girlfriend at the time had just dumped him
and my guy pals and I had planned a night out with just our sleeping bags and
the stars over our heads in the middle of the woods- so I invited him to come
along. We consider that our first date now…
RB: That's a
pretty spectacular first date. And I'd agree with you guys, it totally
counts as such. Stories like that are my favorite kind - and also, my
non-scientific research has shown, the ones that seem to engender the best and
longest lasting relationships. Maybe it’s just the creative in me but
couples who have stories are the ones that find the most in each
other, because they keep wanting to write the next chapters. Sappy as
that sounds.
I
suppose, to be fair, I've friend-zoned plenty of girls too - so I
don't have much room to speak. I've actually, now that I start thinking
about it, probably done more than my share. So I will stop thinking about
it.
TNBBC: What did you think
about the whole wingman thing? A wingman
for a first date? As in a third-wheel? I gotta tell you, if the dude I agreed
to date brings along a bud, I’m out. That screams insecurity to me, and also
smells like an easy-way-out-should-he-need-one. On top of that, if the wingman
was a WINGLADY? Oh hellz to the no, sir. The date would be over before it even
began. Jealousy lives in the breast and brain of every women, whether she
admits it or not, and no way in HELL is the guy I’m about to date bringing
another chick out with us. Wrong wrong wrong.
RB: The
wingman thing... I think you have to deploy the wingman only in the getting-of
the first date. It's the bar or party scenario, only. I can't
fathom bringing one on a first date - that just... I can't. (I will say,
in the bar/party scenario? I owe as many wingwomen as wingmen thanks -
and I've also successfully deployed the How I Met Your Mother "haaaaaave
you met this person?", which is a personal achievement I'm far too proud
of)
TNBBC: Oh well, when you
explain it thaaaaaat way! (quickly changes subject so I don’t look COMPLETELY
clueless) Can I just say that I adored the whole controls and combos thing for
how Eric recommends different ways to ask a chick out?! Those were made of
awesome.
RB: I loved his combos too - one of the songs we
play in my band, it's all about being nervous to call up a girl and one of the
lyrics is about coming up with all sorts of different scenarios... and seeing
them laid out in a book for me was just perfection.
Drew Broussard reads, a lot. When not doing that, he's writing stories or playing music or acting or producing or coming up with other ways to make trouble. He also has a day job at The Public Theater in New York City.
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