Colin Barnes'
Would You Rather
Would you rather start every sentence in your book with ‘And’ or end every sentence with ‘but’?
Start with And as it leads to better prose.
Would
you rather write in an isolated cabin that was infested with spiders or in a
noisy coffee shop with bad musak?
Ooh, difficult choice! I hate both spiders and musak in equal
measure, but, as I don’t like the smell of coffee either I’d have to choose the
cabin—and hope I’m not brutally murdered by a ghost/axe murderer/teen.
Would
you rather think in a language you could understand but write in one you
couldn’t read, or think in a language you couldn’t understand but write in one
you could read?
Definitely the former—I spend the vast majority of my time
inside my own head and not being able to understand my thoughts would mean I
would never be able to write anything worth reading. Also, editors can be
employed to make the resulting prose readable.
Would
you rather write the best book of your career and never publish it or publish a
bunch of books that leave you feeling unsatisfied?
I’d rather be unsatisfied that I’ve not written the best book of
my career because even inferior works are more satisfying artistically if
they’re actually being read. An unread book is the proverbial tree that makes no
sound if there’s no one to hear it.
Would you rather have everything you
think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head
narrate your every move?
I’d go with the narrator for the same reasons I’d understand my
thoughts: I’d find that far more tolerable than exposing my thoughts to the
general public on Twitter, of which I’m not a huge fan of generally.
Would
you rather your books be bound and covered with human skin or made out of
tissue paper?
It depends on the human and how the skin was harvested. If the
person wasn’t a Nazi or some other hideous individual and the skin was donated
after death to be used then I could live with that. If I had no choice in where
the skin came from then ethically I’d have to go with tissue paper—but then
thinking about it, I suppose neither would matter too much as I mostly read
ebooks these days.
Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no
one show up to your reading?
No one to show up! I wouldn’t wish my naked form on any member
of the public.
Would
you rather your book incite the world’s largest riot or be used as tinder in
everyone’s fireplace?
Tinder everyone’s fireplace. That seems a more gentle/kind way
to affect change. I wouldn’t want to be known as the guy responsible for the
world’s biggest unrest. I’m certain that’s not a good thing.
Would you rather give up your computer
or pens and paper?
It’s awfully sad to say but I would
give up pen and paper before the computer, but that’s only because I use my
computer for so many things, many of which are key to my social life. Losing
that kind of contact with my friends and readers would be a terrible loss.
Saying that, I do still write a lot long hand. Ultimately, though, I couldn’t
be without my computer—because how else would I be able to play Civilization?
Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed
on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of
your life?
This is a tricky one as I don’t have one favourite novel (I have
many!) but assuming I did, I think I would have to choose the audio. Although
that would likely drive me mad after a while I don’t think I could put up with
the pain of the tattoos, and the results would scare small children.
Would
you rather meet your favorite author and have them turn out to be a total
jerkwad or hate a book written by an author you are really close to?
Definitely the latter because that’s already happened! It’s much
easier to live with that than having one’s idol turn out to be the devil—which
is why I have no intentions of meeting my favourite authors or musicians/actors
etc. Meeting an idol is always fraught with danger.
Would
you rather your book have an awesome title with a really ugly cover or an
awesome cover with a really bad title?
The graphic designer in me (a previous career) would go with the
awesome cover; a great image can often negate a bad title. Unless it was really
awful and had Hitler or something in it… then we’d have to have a chat about
it.
Would
you rather write beautiful prose with no point or write the perfect story
badly?
Perfect story every time! I do love and appreciate great prose
but for me it’s the message that is the most important, not necessarily how
it’s delivered. The message/story will be remembered far long after the beauty
of the prose has worn off.
Would
you rather write only embarrassingly truthful essays or write nothing at all?
I’d take the essays as I could always deny they were about me!
Would
you rather your book become an instant best seller that burns out quickly and
is forgotten forever or be met with mediocre criticism but continue to sell
well after you’re gone?
Instant
best seller please. Once I’m gone I don’t think I’ll be caring too much. A bird in the hand is
better than two in the bush.
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Colin Barnes has been writing seriously since 1996. He attended the London School of Journalism to study creative short story writing, and studied for an English degree with the Open University. He's a member of the BSFA and SFWA and considers himself a ‘hybrid’ author: one who runs their own publishing company (Binary Books Ltd) and writes for traditional publishing houses/imprints. To learn more about Colin and his latest novel Salt, visit http://www.colinfbarnes.com/
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