Bizarro Blog Take Over: Day Five: Anthony Trevino

To help celebrate Eraserhead Press's seventh annual New Bizarro Author Series, we decided to let the authors take control of our blog. Publisher Rose O'Keefe created this series as a gateway of sorts, to introduce hesitant readers to the wonderful world of bizarro! Garret Cook curated the series and they released a record breaking NINE titles last week for the 2015 set. 

You'll be treated to strange and fabulous original guest posts from a handful of the NBA authors all week long. Today, Anthony Trevino shares a snippet of the Golden Lamb's Orientation:

Notes from King Space Void’s Golden Lamb’s Orientation-

You will lead us to salvation.

Yes, you. Good citizens of King Space Void and members of our golden lambs program. It is because of you that we will reach that gorgeous line of fire at the edge of the universe. Without you, we would fall into the void, become nothing more than deadweight in space. Your contribution makes our survival possible and we commend you for your bravery in our desperate time of need.

You’ve been given the best life possible here. Socializing with members of your crew is encouraged as it is great for mental health. If you’re feeling down or overworked, then please inform your Den Mother or Father and they will provide you with the necessary chemicals to eradicate any nasty thoughts of suicide, mutiny, or individuality. There will also be times when you may experience complete physical exhaustion during a work day. Counter this by visiting any number of the steam beds, which are intended to draw you into a deep and restful sleep for however long your body needs. Do not be deterred by those that do not return from the steam beds…this has nothing to do with the steam beds.

Your meals are rich in nutrients; your bodies fine-tuned to serve not only the needs of the ship, but to also enhance your sexual and interactive experiences amongst each other. The brightest and best minds have been recruited from our ranks to educate and ensure that when your day of transcendence comes, you are fully prepared mentally and physically.

You will not be allowed to visit the transcendental chamber until the day of your calling. This is to avoid what some refer to as second-thoughts of ascendance. If you are found near or around the chamber prior, you will be disciplined. Which brings me to this: now, we know that you would never try and sabotage King Space Void’s mission, but you must realize how important it is that you stick to the rules and do not try and change the pre-set course of your life. You are perfect in every way, but only because we allow it. You are our property. You are borne from this ship and herded into luxury by the master’s choice, and you must pay your respects by acting accordingly.

Do not divert from this mission. Free thought, questions, aggression towards the master, or coercion among you will only cripple our already failing body. You are only as valuable as you are useful. King Space Void is fair, but our hands are not without blood. Therefore, if you are to break the laws of our world your body and character will experience complete annihilation.  We will strip the perfect skin from your flesh with ease; your eyes will be removed and given to a much more devout lamb; your heart and spirit, yanked from that time-sensitive vessel of yours and spread across the dark expanse of space.

You will be forgotten, scrubbed from the history of King Space Void, while those that follow the laws rise to glory in the afterlife.  So, I say again, do not divert from this mission… remember, it is your job to feed the machine and in doing so, lead us to salvation.

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Anthony Trevino is from San Diego, CA, and the author of the NBAS book King Space Void. He loves the films of Alejandro Jodorowsky and David Cronenberg, and will talk for hours about why Tales from the Crypt is the best TV show ever made. You can usually find him rooting through your trash cans at night in search of your darkest secrets. 

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Check out Anthony's bizarro book

part of the New Bizarro Author Series from Eraserhead Press

King Space Void

When you love someone, sometimes they can mean the whole world to you. Or several worlds. 

King Space Void is a planet-eating entity whose consciousness resides in the body of a gargantuan machine made to look like a man and powered by thousands of people. Dane Shipps is one of the best workers of in King Space Void, until the day he finds a mangled woman named Scarlet still alive and intertwined in the machine's ductwork who convinces him to step outside of his routine. Together they plan to take down King Space Void and everyone inside.