Bizarro Blog Take Over: Day Six: Pedro Proença

To help celebrate Eraserhead Press's seventh annual New Bizarro Author Series, we decided to let the authors take control of our blog. Publisher Rose O'Keefe created this series as a gateway of sorts, to introduce hesitant readers to the wonderful world of bizarro! Garret Cook curated the series and they released a record breaking NINE titles last week for the 2015 set. 

You'll be treated to strange and fabulous original guest posts from a handful of the NBA authors all week long. Today, Pedro Proença shares a meta-review of When the Postman Killed My Dog, a book within his book:

WHEN THE POSTMAN KILLED MY DOG 

A review/conspiracy theory by Todd J. Turtle III

            There is definitely something fishy going on with this book. I mean, a book about latex yellow ants fighting against an unnamed Monster inside endless caves, with a Messiah coming down from the sky (LITERALY!)  to save the day, in this day and age, it's absurd! Mr. Jensen, the man who wrote this, is clearly a façade for our government to push some sort of adventure style bull**** propaganda on the unsuspecting masses.

            Wake up, sheeple!

            I've seen a lot of stuff during my years as a journalist (Editor's note: Mr. Tutle was never a journalist here, we are just printing this piece of deranged writing because he has threatened to blow up our building if we didn't. I'm adding this note without his knowledge. I hope to God he doesn't feel the need to proofread this rambling. Also, HELP US!) for The Daily Document. And I know when I'm being made fun of.

            You're Clifford, right? I know you are. The name Benjamin Jensen is just a ruse, a way of dragging my name through the mud. But I know the truth, you a**hole! You can't fool me!

            I can see you right through your puny symbolism. The latex man is you, and the Monster is me. It's easy to see! And of course, the yellow balloon ants are the government, this “great” institution, just carrying you in its arms and giving you absolute power to destroy me.

            Well, F*** YOU!

            I, Todd Jebediah Turtle the Third, the greatest philosopher our country has ever seen, can see right who you are.

            You're nothing but a government lackey. And when the time comes, when the Great Giraffe comes again, you will be nothing more than DUST, just like the rest of the people in this pathetic country!

But yeah, very little plot, melodramatic ending, and lackluster cliffhangers. I give it two and a half stars out of five.

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Pedro Proença writes, plays Magic: The Gathering, is a bassist, and works at an hospital (but try not to remind him of this last one). His first book is BENJAMIN, part of the 2015-16 New Bizarro Author Series from Eraserhead Press. He has been published by Fireside Press and Dynatox Ministries, as well as having stories appearing in Bizarro Central and Flash Forge. He lives in Rio de Janeiro with his girlfriend Sarah Sindorf (who did the cover art for BENJAMIN), his family, and their assorted pets. He blogs at http://thebizarroworldofpedro.blogspot.com/, and you can find him at http://www.facebook.com/punksterbass and @Bizarro_Pedro on Twitter.

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Check out Pedro's debut bizarro book

part of the New Bizarro Author Series from Eraserhead Press

Benjamin

Sometimes, hope is a yellow balloon named Benjamin. Life kinda sucks for Benjamin.

The mall shouldn’t be a dangerous place. You shouldn’t have to fear green men abducting you and feeding you to a tentacle monster. You shouldn’t have to fear the anaconda that serves as the staircase to the movie theater. And you shouldn’t have to face off against ice cream men with a strange knowledge of black holes. But if you’re Benjamin – a sentient yellow balloon – or the Boy, his headless chubby teen sidekick, you have to fear all those things. Because this mall is sick, and it’s your job to heal it, or go insane trying.