Would You Rather
Would you rather start every sentence in your book with ‘And’ or end every sentence with ‘but’?
-I think I’d rather end every sentence with ‘but,’ because I love negation, even if it’s only implied or hinted at.
Would you rather write in an isolated cabin that was infested with spiders or in a noisy coffee shop with bad musak?
-The isolated cabin with spiders. I don’t really mind spiders, but I can’t work with any noise. In Alabama there were a couple spiders that lived in my shower, though they stayed up near the ceiling. I called them my shower spiders. I watched one of them catch a fly and wrap it in web once.
Would you rather think in a language you could understand but write in one you couldn’t read, or think in a language you couldn’t understand but write in one you could read?
-I’d probably go insane if I thought in a language I couldn’t understand.
Would you rather write the best book of your career and never publish it or publish a bunch of books that leave you feeling unsatisfied?
-I guess I’d rather write the best book. Maybe I could keep writing shitty books after that.
Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?
-I think I’d rather have a voice narrate. I would be hopelessly embarrassed for everyone to know what I’m thinking. “My armpits itch-I wonder if it’s my deodorant-Can anyone see me scratching my armpits?”
Would you rather your books be bound and covered with human skin or made out of tissue paper?
-I’d rather the books be made of tissue paper. The skin would probably freak me out. Books with animal skins freak me out too.
Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?
-I’d rather no one show up for the reading, which isn’t outlandish at all.
Would you rather your book incite the world’s largest riot or be used as tinder in everyone’s fireplace?
-Did they read the book before they burned it? Maybe? They at least got it somehow. It seems okay that they burn it afterward.
Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?
-Pens and paper. Please, never my laptop. I feel like I’m in a sort of romantic relationship with the laptop.
Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?
-I wouldn’t mind having all the words on my body. I’d maybe need to work on having a bigger body though.
Would you rather meet your favorite author and have them turn out to be a total jerkwad or hate a book written by an author you are really close to?
-I’d rather my favorite author be a jerkwad, which has probably happened to everyone several times over. NBD.
Would you rather your book have an awesome title with a really ugly cover or an awesome cover with a really bad title?
-I’d rather it have an awesome title and bad cover. This was the hardest question of the group.
Would you rather write beautiful prose with no point or write the perfect story badly?
-I love beautiful prose with no point.
Would you rather write only embarrassingly truthful essays or write nothing at all?
-Embarrassingly truthful essays seem okay.
Would you rather your book become an instant best seller that burns out quickly and is forgotten forever or be met with mediocre criticism but continue to sell well after you’re gone?
-Instant bestseller that burns out quickly. I don’t care what happens after I’m gone. I’ll be gone.
Brandi Wells is the author of Please Don’t Be Upset (Tiny Hardcore Press) and This Boring Apocalypse (Civil Coping Mechanisms). Her writing appears in Denver Quarterly, Sycamore Review, Paper Darts, Folio, Chicago Review and other journals.