Time to grab a book and get tipsy!
Books & Booze is a new mini-series of sorts here on TNBBC that will post every Friday in October. The participating authors were challenged to make up their own drinks, name and all, or create a drink list for their characters and/or readers using drinks that already exist.
Lavinia Ludlow's Character's Get Their Booze On
It’s not often that I get to slam
the ironies of my books’ main characters in one sitting, and simultaneously
reveal the sharpest edges and darkest corners of my writing’s content. Today, I
toast three characters in my debut novel alt.punk,
as well as two characters in my upcoming sophomore novel Single Stroke Seven, with drinks invented exclusively for The
Next Best Book Blog.
For those who have read alt.punk, you know what train wrecks
Hazel and Otis were as individuals, and what psychotic a-bombs they became when
they were together. For those who haven’t read alt.punk, in a nutshell, Hazel is a germaphobic suburbanite who
tosses her job, sanitary living comforts, and her family’s hypercritical
distain out the back door to hit the road touring the nation with a grimy,
manic-depressive Goth rocker named Otis, and his disapproving severely
left-winged whip-smart brother, Landon.
Oh, Otis, you
simple-minded thirty-something psychotic man-boy who lacks the self-control and
mental aptitude to put down the gas station generic hard liquor long enough to
use a glass, much less mix a drink. For you, I’ve crafted the Otis Opus:
--One bottle or any large quantity slurry of the following:
Jim Beam, Jack Daniel’s, Southern Comfort, Wild Turkey
--Splash of Listerine or Nyquil for added taste and/or color
**Garnish with backwashed chunks of own puke
Hazel, because
you somehow believe processed foods such as Twix, Twinkies, Milano cookies, and
diet soda are immune to carcinogens, pesticides, and whatever other infectious
ailments you neurotically fear like hoof and mouth disease, mad cow, anthrax,
E. coli, herpes, I’ve engineered the Hazel
with a Twist:
--Boxed red wine so cheap that it tastes like grape juice or
any other high-fructose corn syrup drink
--Martini glass coated with a thin film of hand sanitizer
**Garnish with a can of Pirouline hazelnut cookies eaten in
one sitting
Landon, similar
to the Glenfiddich Snow Phoenix, a limited edition,
once-in-a-lifetime single malt borne from the disaster of the distillery roof
collapse wherein casks of scotch varying in age were salvaged from the extreme
snowy temperatures of the open air, you are the salvaged and
remarkable remains of the disastrous fall from grace you had to watch your
band, Riot Venom, and your brother, Otis, go through over the course of a few
months. Although you’d probably call Glenfiddich Snow Phoenix a booze for pretentious
yuppies who redefine douchebaggery, you should be toasted with this remarkable
scotch straight up, and commended for your strength through the most dismal of
situations (even though you served as Otis’ enabler for years, and you punched
Hazel in the face, and some may theorize you drove her into the throes of a
psychological breakdown, you’re still the biggest badass I’ve ever written,
even bigger than my next book’s antagonist: Duncan).
I’m going to take advantage of the
segue to introduce my upcoming second novel, Single Stroke Seven, a dark-humored “Behind the Music” glimpse into
the chemistry of a Bay Area rock band that has yet to “make it” despite years
of ambitious initiatives and unconventional sacrifices. In this tale, Lilith is
a literal starving musician and trying to land an indie record label and
nationally sponsored tour for her band. The stress of her job and her band
mates’ figurative ADD, especially the band’s frontman, Duncan, prevent her from
performing further than the rehearsal space in their house’s kitchen. Though
there are multiple characters I could have explored, focusing on my main two
characters will do justice to the novel without releasing any spoilers:
Duncan, because
you’re the West Coast’s biggest hipster trust funder, who despite being thirty
and living with his band, Dissonanz, in a moldy possibly government-subsidized
Victorian shanty downtown San Jose, has never had any real-world work
experience and can therefore buy thousands of dollars of edible gold leaf for the
sole sake of “blinging up his food,” I’ve crafted the Tall, Dark, and Whorey, because you’re kind of a man-whore, who’s
promiscuity and frivolous spending is brought on by the fact you have no life
direction, aspirations, or deep and meaningful connection with anyone.
--Laphroaig Islay single malt scotch whiskey aged
twenty-five years
--Wisk in two sheets of edible gold leaf
**Sip while smoking a ridiculously expensive brand of
cigarette imported from a company you think is Irish and linked to your
ancestors but is probably manufactured and distributed by some British
conglomerate
Lilith, you are a
diehard Gordon Biersch drinker because you have some inexplicable devotion to
San Jose, California, but for you, I’ve crafted Lilith’s Run:
--Gin and tonic, minus the tonic because your job as a human
resources administrator in an East Oakland bottling plant is a stress hell of
frivolous claims and accusations of being the summer intern
**Shoot gin intermittently while gorging on an eclectic
medley of cocktail pickles, martini olives, pickled eggs, pearl onions,
maraschino cherries, and anything else a bartender would garnish drinks with
like celery sticks, grape tomatoes, and fruit pieces fished out of sangria
mixes, because everyone knows you’re a starving drummer who’s made meals out of
condiments like Coffee-mate and ketchup, and your anxiety is on overdrive
because you’re on the verge of aging-out of eligibility of Club 27 and you’ve
yet to advance your music past dead end bar rock
Thanks to Lori Hettler for not only
reviewing alt.punk and putting up
with all the intense characters like Otis, Hazel, and Landon, but also
challenging me with a writing prompt, to throw down my thoughts on drinks for
these characters and gaining a better understanding of them in general. Big
thanks for also allowing me a medium to introduce a few characters from my next
novel, Single Stroke Seven, which has
a seemingly sliding scale of being released in late 2013 or early 2014 through
Casperian Books.
For those reading, I’m interested
in reading your responses to Lori’s prompt. Email them to lavinia (dot) ludlow
(at) gmail (dot) com or reply to Lori’s post directly. Happy writing, drinking,
and/or writing about drinking!
Lavinia Ludlow is a musician, writer, and occasional contortionist. Her debut novelalt.punk can be purchased through major online retailers as well as Casperian Books’ website. Recently, her sophomore novel Single Stroke Seven was signed to Casperian Books as well. In her free time, she reviews independent literature over at places such as Small Press Reviews, Smalldoggies Magazine, The Nervous Breakdown, American Book Review, and Plumb Blog. She hearts all indie writers, musicians, and artists and hopes you do too. Find her on: Facebook, Goodreads, Fictionaut, Twitter
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