Bronwyn Reviews: For Two Thousand Years

For Two Thousand Years

by Mihail Sebastian

translated from the Romanian by Philip Ó Ceallaigh

Publisher: Other Press

Released: 2017

Reviewed by Bronwyn Mauldin

“Being persecuted is not just a physical trial. It is one that affects you intellectually. The reality of it slowly deforms you and attacks, above all, your sense of proportion.”

So says the anonymous narrator of the powerful novel For Two Thousand Years as he reflects on his time as a university student in 1920s Romania. But this book belies those words. Even as he and fellow Jewish students are assaulted daily, he seeks to understand himself, his attackers, and his own response to their anti-Semitism. The strength of this book is found in its clear-eyed reporting of conversations the narrator has with friends and colleagues – their candid brutality at times stunning – combined with his thoughtful reflection on what he hears and sees.

Originally published in Romanian in 1934, this novel by Mihail Sebastian has been available in French for some time. It has only now appeared in English in a translation by Philip Ó Ceallaigh, and it couldn’t be more timely. Then, as today, while the perpetrators get most of the attention, silent bystanders also get their due:

“If somebody set themselves up in the middle of the street to demand, let’s say, ‘Death to badgers,’ I think that would suffice to arouse some surprise among those passing by. Now that I think about it, the problem isn’t that three boys can stand at a street corner and cry ‘Death to the Yids.’ But that the cry goes unobserved and unopposed, like the tinkling of a bell on a tram.” 

The Nazis haven’t arrived in Romania yet, but anti-Semitism is on the march. Jewish students are attacked and beaten for having the temerity to attend their classes. Professors at best stand quietly by; at times they encourage the perpetrators. Each night the narrator returns to a dormitory where the victims compare wounds and try to imagine the future.

The novel follows this insightful young student into adulthood. The narrator changes his major to architecture, at the encouragement of a nationalist professor he idolizes. He becomes an architect and is hired by an eccentric American tycoon named Ralph Rice. He lives in Paris for a time, and eventually returns to Romania to work on Rice’s oil fields. The drilling kills the local plum trees, which are the heart of the peasant economy and culture. An entire village is moved to make way for oil production. Then the narrator takes on the design and building of a house for the professor he once loved, whose classes he used to be thrown out of by the professor’s young acolytes.

All this drama, though, is backdrop to the narrator’s deeper struggle not just to survive but to understand, and this is the beating heart of the novel that echoes through to today. As he moves through life, he meets with many anti-Semites. He attends their classes. He breaks bread with them, works side-by-side with them. He talks to other Jews with differing responses to the rising crisis. Most of the people he talks with – nationalists, anti-Semites, communists, Zionists, and oblivious foreigners – are types intended to represent a particular point of view. And yet, his conversations with them are fresh and engaging, as are his later reflection on them:

“Don’t allow yourself to indulge your suffering. There’s a great voluptuousness in persecution and feeling yourself wronged is probably one of the proudest of private pleasures…. Think how ridiculous we would be if we were alarmed at every shower of rain that soaked us.”

Mihail Sebastian is the pen name of Iosif Hechter, and this novel is thinly disguised autobiography. The other major work he is known for is the journal he kept from 1935 to 1944. When it was finally published in 1996, it was quickly recognized as an important chronicle of the rise of nazism in Europe. Sebastian’s humanistic observations of the catastrophe as it unfolded can help us understand his time and ours. Having survived the Holocaust, Sebastian was hit by a truck and killed while crossing a Bucharest street in 1945, on his way to give a lecture on Balzac. He was 37 years old. As the prescient young narrator says early in this book, making a failing of Sebastian’s great strength as a chronicler,

“Something tells me that we are unable to live any of life’s moments fully. Not one of them. That we eternally stand at a remove from what is happening. A little above or a little below things, but never at their heart… That the fires we lit to offer up our hearts smouldered out too soon.”

###

Bronwyn Mauldin writes fiction and poetry, and creates zines. She will be an Artist in Residence at Denali National Park and Preserve in summer 2018. More at bronwynmauldin.com.  

K.M. Ecke on Being Indie

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Seeking Reviewers for David Barbee's JIMBO YOJIMBO

Readers, my readers, I swear I have not forsaken you. 

Last year was a rough year for this blog. Many of our contributing reviewers left us to persue exciting projects of their own, and we found ourselves in the midst of an amazing opportunity to provide publicity for a handful of incredible small press authors. 

All of these changes, as awesome as they have been, meant less free time for reading and reviewing books here. And looking forward into 2018, it looks like we'll be up against more of the same. 

We'll still be featuring small press authors - it'll just be through more of the author series we host, and a lot less in the way of reviews. 

In the meantime, I'd like you to check out the current book I'm promoting: 

This is David Barbee's latest novel Jimbo Yojimbo. 

It's Eraserhead Press's first release of the year, and David and I are looking for reviewers. 

In this satirical, post-frog-plagued, bizarro alt-future, most of humanity has been reengineered by an evil restaurateur. Bushido Budnick is a mad master chef slash scientist of sorts, who has clawed his way to the top of the food chain, breathing life into strange (and tasty) fish and frog-like minions, who also serve as Menu Items if they fail to please their creator. 

Not one to let things simmer, Barbee throws us headfirst into a dungeon cell where our hillbilly samurai hero, Jimbo Yojimbo, and his ghost daddy are making a quick escape. Jimbo's taken a revenge oath against Bushido and plans to kill him and bring his entire Buddha Gump Shrimp Company down with him. 

Along the way, he has to fight endless armies of crawds and Quakers, genetically enhanced crayfish and ducks, all the while trying to shake Toadlicker, Bushido's grotesquely modified superspy and right-hand-man, who's convinced himself that Jimbo Yojimbo is his ultimate match. 

Fans of bizarro fiction will find much to appreciate here - Barbee's imagination truly knows no bounds - while newbies to the genre, provided they are prepared to suspend reality farther than they've ever suspended it before, are guaranteed to identify with the book's underlying themes of love, loss, and an unquenchable blood thirsty vengance. 

Jimbo Yojimbo is an action packed, mind blowing clash of good vs evil set in a world in which the only rule is that there are no rules.

If you think you might like to review this book, let us know! 

We have digital review copies in PDF, Mobi, and Epub. 

Also, check out these really cool black out poems that ST Cartledge created from the text within the novel:

Kelly Cherry's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's got a fun, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios.

Kelly Cherry's 

Would You Rather

Would you rather start every sentence in your book with ‘And’ or end every sentence with ‘but’?

    I use "but" frequently. That's because there are always so many sides to an issue and I feel a need to capture them.

Would you rather write in an isolated cabin that was infested with spiders or in a noisy coffee shop with bad musak?

    I'll choose the spiders! My parents were string quartet violinists and I grew up on late Beethoven. I think classical music is what keeps me alive. Besides, spiders don't attack; they just quietly climb up an down.

Would you rather think in a language you could understand but write in one you couldn’t read, or think in a language you couldn’t understand but write in one you could read?

   

 This is tricky. I'd rather think and write in the one language I know. In fact, I can't escape it.

Would you rather write the best book of your career and never publish it or publish a bunch of books that leave you feeling unsatisfied?

    I've already published 27 books. There are some I wish I could throw out, but it's too late. But again (all these 'but's, cf. above) there are some I believe in and would not throw out.

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?

   

Voice in my head, for sure. There are things I definitely do not want Twitter to know.

Would you rather your books be bound and covered with human skin or made out of tissue paper?

   

 Tissue paper. Even if it blows away, tumbling down a street.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

   

 I am happy to have never had to give a  reading naked. On the other hand, I have given a reading to the one person who showed up for it.

Would you rather your book incite the world’s largest riot or be used as tinder in everyone’s fireplace?

   Here I'll vote for the riot. Maybe someone will find something in it more alluring than a riot.

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?

  

  I have already given up pens and paper, and I still wonder if was the wrong choice. My computer is unruly and far too complicated.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?

   

 I hope I never have to deal with either, but in a  pinch I'll vote for the tattoo over the noise, which would make it hard to think.

Would you rather meet your favorite author and have them turn out to be a total jerkwad or hate a book written by an author you are really close to?

   

 Well, I've already met some jerkwads. I'd choose the to meet the writer whose book I hate but whose person I respect.

Would you rather your book have an awesome title with a really ugly cover or an awesome cover with a really bad title?

  

  Awesome title, please! It's titles that sell books, not covers.

Would you rather write beautiful prose with no point or write the perfect story badly?

    The latter, although I try to make my prose as beautiful as I can.

Would you rather write only embarrassingly truthful essays or write nothing at all?

Embarrassingly truthful. I think I've already written some of those.

Would you rather your book become an instant best seller that burns out quickly and is forgotten forever or be met with mediocre criticism but continue to sell well after you’re gone?

   I think I've already missed the opportunity to have a best seller that burns out but I do have hope that some of my books will reach readers after I've gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author of 27 books, 11 chapbooks, 2 translations of classical drama. Former PL of Virginia. Emerita, Poets Corner, NYC. Hanes Poetry Prize, NEA, USIA (the Philippines), Rockefeller, Bradley Lifetime Award, Phillabaum Prize, Weinstein Award, Notable Wisconsin Author, three Arts Board fellowship grants  and two New Work awards from Wisconsin, Dictionary of Literary Biography Yearbook Award (2000, for 1999), Walker Award for Lifetime Achievement in Southern Letters; four Prize anthologies. Eminent Scholar, UAH, 2001-2005.

Guest Post - Lynn Sloan on Downsizing Her Library

Downsizing a personal collection of books is not an easy feat for a booklover. More accuractely, it is probably a task that most booklovers procrastinate at or avoid at all costs! Just the thought of removing books from my shelves to place into storage bins gives me anxiety... let alone contemplating CULLING any.

Today, we welcome Lynn Sloan, author of the recently released This Far Isn't Far Enough, to the blog as she shares her recent experience with doing just such a thing:

The Wisdom and the Folly of Downsizing a Library

“So these’ll be gone, right?” George, the house painter, nods at the long wall in my bedroom of floor-to-ceiling shelves loaded with books.

Like all avid readers and most writers, I have books in many rooms—cookbooks, in the kitchen, obviously; local history and poetry in the living room, less obviously; in my office, predictably, dictionaries, style guides, books I turn to for inspiration; in my workroom, reference books, books I mean to read, and books I’ll never read but can’t give away because of the giver; in the den, art, more art, photography, travel, history, essays, film studies; and so on.

The books that really matter to me are in my bedroom. George, sizing up the job ahead, and I look at them, me with affection, George with a baffled, who-needs-books expression.

I am a fiction writer. Most of the novels and short story collections that I’ve read in the last twenty-five years are here, in my most private, intimate space. No book goes on these shelves unless I read it to the end. Non-fiction I’ll read on my digital devices, but books of fiction I want to hold in my hand as objects; I want to turn their paper pages; I want to write in the margins. When I became a fiction writer, I gave up borrowing novels and story collections from the library and started buying them as a way to support living authors and the legacy of the dead, so this twenty-foot-long wall of books has become a three dimensional record of my history as a reader of fiction. Arranged in alphabetical order by author, National Book Award and Pulitzer Prize winners alongside out-of-print, mid-twentieth century British Penguins, hardbound books written by my personal favorites, cherished volumes from friends, soft with many readings, peeling pulp paperbacks with lurid covers bought secondhand. Books stacked in front of other books, groaning shelves, a twenty-foot long wall, my most personal library.

I assure George, the painter, that I will deal with the books before his crew arrives.

*

The painters were due.  It was time to box up my books.

I’ve done this before. I’ve boxed and moved books from college to my first apartment, which is why I still have my musty copy of English Poetry and Prose of the Romantic Movement, to my next apartment, and the next, to one fixer-upper house after another, to my current beloved cottage. Books have made the journey with me. My bedroom wall of books is personal.

These are the books that have entertained me, challenged and taught me, and sustained me. But I have too many books. The shelves are double-stacked. I don’t even know what’s behind the visible rows of books.

I drag out boxes, dusting rags, and the stepladder. Amis, Kingsley and Martin, Atkinson, Atwood, Austin—my eyes drift over the faded spines, past Richard Yates, and two bottom rows of Best American anthologies. Many of these familiar friends I haven’t opened in years. Do I need them any more? Which of them will I ever read again? I have so many books that I sometimes hesitate to buy new books, and so many good books are published all the time.  

I decide to keep only those books I truly expect to read again. Most of Kingsley Amis I save, none of Martin Amis. I keep Atkinson’s Life after Life and God in Ruins, set aside her Brodie mysteries for a mystery-loving friend, the others go in a stack for the public library’s sale. I move through the As and on to the Bs. Each decision is tough. Baxter, Berlin, keep, most of Brookner, to the library. I persist. Each book that I have loved tests my resolve, but if I figure I’m not going to read it again, out it goes onto the library pile. Soon the library pile becomes several piles. I am ruthless. My book-loving husband walks in and is shaken.

“Are you sure?”

Such a question is no help. If I weaken, I’m doomed. Ahead I envision a beckoning openness, not dusty yellowing volumes from the past, but a spacious and blooming future.

I have three hundred hardbound books and eighty-three paperbound books to give away. I am exhausted, and I am content.

The painters do their work. We move back in the bed, the bedside tables, the lamps, the reading chair, but the shelves remain empty. I want them to dry thoroughly before I bring in the books.

On a sunny day, I carry in the boxes and begin. I’m glad to see my old friends. Each volume seems fresh and new. Some authors’ works I place sideways so the titles can be read easily. Here and there I leave space for new acquisitions. When I step back to review the result, it looks as if an interior decorator has been at work, arranging the books just so, in other words, my wall of carefully chosen books does not look like my library. What I have left is a skeleton, the remains of a formerly living organism. I try not to be disappointed. I try not to obsess over the Veronica Gengs and the Malcolm Muggeridges, the Tom Rachman, the Téa Obreht, the four hundred books I gave away. I want them all back.

I avoid looking at that wall in my bedroom for weeks, until one day I need to look up a passage in Jhumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies. Guided by my old penciled notes, I find what I’m looking for. Delighted that I’d saved this book, happy that the process of finding what I wanted was so easy, I pull down nearby books. They are full of notes I’d written in the margins; inside the back cover are thoughts I’d had and connections I’d made between passages. I discover bookmarks from now-closed bookstores. I remember buying each of these books, some in distance towns, and most near home. Each book tells not just the author’s tale, but my mine too.

Opposite the passage I’d gone looking for in Interpreter of Maladies, I found, “It was only then . . . that I knew what it meant to miss someone . . .”

I miss the books I gave away. I’m happy to have lots of free space on my shelves to fill with new books and new experiences, but I miss what I no longer have. It will be years before I have to face downsizing again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lynn Sloan is a writer and photographer. Her stories have appeared in Ploughshares, Shenandoah, and American Literary Review, among other publications, and been nominated for the Pushcart Prize. She is the author of the novel Principles of Navigation (2015 Fomite), which was a Chicago Book Review Best Book in 2015, and the newly released short story collection, This Far Isn't Far Enough (Fomite, 2018). Her fine art photographs have been exhibited nationally and internationally. For many years she taught photography at Columbia College Chicago, where she founded the journal Occasional Readings in Photography, and contributed to Afterimage, Art Week, and Exposure. She lives in Evanston, Illinois with her husband. Learn more at http://www.lynnsloan.com/

Where Writers Write: Judithe Little

Welcome to another installment of TNBBC's Where Writers Write!

Where Writers Write is a series in which authors showcase their writing spaces using short form essay, photos, and/or video. As a lover of books and all of the hard work that goes into creating them, I thought it would be fun to see where the authors roll up their sleeves and make the magic happen. 

This is Judithe Little.

Judithe grew up in Virginia and earned a Bachelor of Arts in Foreign Affairs from the University of Virginia. After a brief time studying in France and interning at the U.S. Department of State, she earned her law degree from the University of Virginia School of Law, where she was on the Editorial Board of the Journal of International Law and a Dillard Fellow. She is a member of the Historical Novel Society, Writer’s League of Texas, Houston Writers Guild, and the Churchill Society. She lives with her husband and three children in Houston, Texas, where she is a lawyer at Haynes and Boone. Wickwythe Hall is her first novel. Learn more at judithelittle.com.

Where Judithe Little Writes

Most writers work in an office or at the very least from a desk. Not me. I work curled up on the couch in the middle of my family room. You can find me there with my lap top on my lap, surrounded by dogs and kids going in and out. It might seem weird that my office is a couch and my lap is my desk, but my kids are growing up. My oldest is going to college next year. I want to write, but I want to be around them too while they’re still here. Maybe once they’re all gone, I’ll take over a bedroom. I’ll turn it into a real writer’s office with a real desk and a bulletin board on the wall with timelines and inspiring pictures. But I’m so used to being where the action is, it might be too quiet. I might not be able to get anything done.

C.R. Richards On "Being Indie"

On "Being Indie" is a blog series that introduces us to a wide variety of small press authors and publishers as they discuss what being indie means to them.

A huge lover of horror and dark fantasy stories, C. R. Richards enjoys telling tales of intrigue and adventure. Having began writing as a part-time columnist for a small entertainment newspaper, Richards has worn several hats: food critic, entertainment reviewer and cranky editor. She has now published a handful of novels, including Phantom Harvest - book one in The Mutant Casebook Series - which took home the EPIC eBook Award for Fantasy in 2014.  

Her most recent literary projects include the horror short story, Lost Man's Parish and the newly-released dark fantasy thriller, Pariah. She is an active member of Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers and Horror Writers Association.

In November, Richards released her epic dark fantasy novel The Obsidian Gates, the second installment in the Heart of the Warrior series. 

Answers to The Top Three Questions I Get from New Authors

Teaching writing workshops and participating on panels are a few “published author perks.” Public speaking is a wonderful opportunity for me to meet my readers as well as hopeful creatives pursuing their dreams. Writers’ conferences, library talks and Denver Comic Con. The faces are different, but the hope burning in each eye is the same. Being an unrepentant mentor at heart, I enjoy the opportunity to encourage these dreamers.

I’ve listed the top three questions I’m asked at my public speaking engagements. These answers are written in the spirit of mentorship. I hope they both inform and encourage.

Should I traditionally publish first before I try Indie Publishing?

My first book (co-author) and my first solo book where traditionally published by a small press. I’m grateful for the experience. Small presses are more likely to give first time authors a chance. They’re much more patient with inexperienced newbies as the manuscripts move through the publishing process. This special care, however, doesn’t follow you into the marketing phase once your book is out. Small presses have limited money to spend on publicity. Unfortunately, they can also be unstable. I’ve known many authors who find themselves out in the cold after their small press has shut down.

Back to the question: Despite the limited marketing funds and shaky fiscal ground, I would still recommend trying a small press first. A successful Indie Author must understand the publishing process. Working with a small press gives you some experience if your brand new to the publishing world.

Situations in which you might try Indie Publishing first:

·         You already know your way around the publishing world

·         You have experience managing a business

·         You have a nonfiction niche book which might be hard to sell to a publisher (Example: Fun Hobbies for Microbiologists)

What is the most expensive part of Indie Publishing?

Editing. Good editors aren’t cheap. They earn every penny and can make the difference between your book’s success or it’s fiery crash. If you’re serious about Indie Publishing, hire the best editor you can afford. Check their references. A bad editor means a bad book. Resist the impulse to go cheap. Getting your “friend’s mother’s cousin who reads a lot” to edit your book may not give you a good product.

My answer usually surprises the majority of workshop attendees. Most people think the book cover and design costs the most. New authors are still starry eyed about seeing their name on the book cover. Don’t get me wrong. It never gets old.

Why did you become an Indie Author if you’ve been traditionally published?

I learned one of life’s harshest lessons after my first solo book was published by a small press. They’d been very encouraging during the publishing process, but their interest level dramatically dropped once the book was out the door. The small press wasn’t prepared to pay one dime toward publicity or make any effort to send it out on blog tours. I’d naively assumed they would since it won a “Best Fantasy” award.

The harsh lesson: Nobody cares as much about your books as you do.

This particular small press had also tied my hands when it came to publicity and marketing. I was restricted to certain “pre-approved” groups and had no ability to put my book on sale for promotional purposes. The book didn’t sell well.

Frustrated and very disappointed, I decided to drive my own success. I self-published a short book and experimented with various types of marketing. After all, the book was completely mine. I could do whatever I wanted now. This little book sold more in the first few months than my traditionally published book has in its lifetime (even to date). It was all the proof I needed. I could be a successful Indie Publisher. Three books later, I’m still driving my own success.

Final Thought – Being an Indie Author comes with risks: money, time and reputation. It’s all on your shoulders. Take the time to learn the business, make good financial decisions and you’ll reap all the rewards. Now go and create!

One Last Thing – The Indie community is full of dedicated writers, musicians, film makers, artists and other creatives. Each of these mavericks lovingly create their art for all of us to enjoy. Give them a try. Support your local Indie Community!

Excerpt from The Full Vermonty

Readers, I think you know I've managed to steer clear from taking any sort of political stance on this blog over the years. Mostly because TNBBC focuses on literary fiction, but also because I feel book blogs should be safe spaces that don't push political or religious agendas at their followers. They should be places you and I turn to when real-life craziness threatens our sanities. 

Today, though, I am going to temporarily break my own rule and share a cartoon excerpt from The Full Vermonty, which released back in September with Green Writers Press, a Vermont-based, global publisher whose mission is to spread a message of hope and renewal. My good friend Ben Tanzer is the publicist for this title and I'm thrilled to be able to help him spread the word!

Readers, be warned.. if you are Trump supporter, you may wish to skip this post. Just sayin'.


Here we go....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was America thinking? Donald Trump as our president? You’re kidding, right? No, a nightmare is upon us. But take heart. Vermont will fight back. Life in Vermont is already “great.” We’ll be damned if we’re going to let a man who dyes his hair, cheats workers and has his products made in China, dictate to us how life should be.

The Full Vermonty is a collection of essays and cartoons from journalist Bill Mares and cartoonist Jeff Danziger, and leading progressive writers from across the state, all focused on trying to answer the following question: "What the hell do we do now?"

With the help of a score of Vermont writers and artists, their original literary duet became a chorus of intelligence, wit and passion. In addition,  the book has quizzes, relevant quotations from Vermont history, escape literature, a Vermont tool box, and more. Indeed, this book has all things necessary to flesh out a thump to The Trump!

Check out a cartoon excerpt:

“Most Vermonters heat a portion of the house or the year with wood. We treasure the old cast iron stoves which, although more inefficient than the new models, are still a link to the past. They generally look prettier. Heating with wood is renewable, local, organic and dual function in that they are a good place to dispose newspapers and cardboard, and old books. Except for this one.”

- The Full Vermonty: Vermont in the Age of Trump Cartoonist, Jeff Danziger


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raised in Texas, educated at Harvard, Bill Mares has been a journalist, a high school teacher and a member of the Vermont House of Representatives. He has authored or co-authored 15 books on subjects ranging from the Marine Corps to workplace democracy to Presidential fishing, plus four books of humor with Prof. Frank Bryan, including the best-seller, Real Vermonters Don't Milk Goats. He lives in Burlington, Vermont with his wife of 45 years, Chris Hadsel. They have two sons.

Jeff Danziger lives in New York City. He is represented by CWS Syndicate and the NY Times Syndicate. He is the recipient of the Herblock Prize and the Thomas Nast (Landau) Prize. He served in the US Army in Vietnam and was awarded the Bronze Star and the Air Medal. He has published eleven books of cartoons and one novel.

Steph Post's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's got a fun, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios.

Steph Post's
Would You Rather

Would you rather start every sentence in your book with ‘And’ or end every sentence with ‘but’?

‘And.’ I love starting sentences with this word anyway! It adds a cadence that really clicks with my brain for some reason. And (notice, I just used it there) I tend to hold to the school of thinking that everything said after the word ‘but’ is bullshit.

Would you rather write in an isolated cabin that was infested with spiders or in a noisy coffee shop with bad musak?

These are pretty much two of the worst places I could possibly imagine to be, let alone write in. If forced to choose, I suppose I’d have to go with the coffee shop. I do like coffee, at least.

Would you rather think in a language you could understand but write in one you couldn’t read, or think in a language you couldn’t understand but write in one you could read?

Jesus, who comes up with these questions? Thinking about it, the second choice sounds pretty interesting. I think it would be fascinating to not understand your thoughts at all until they had been written down. It would really add some gravity to the power of the written word.

Would you rather write the best book of your career and never publish it or publish a bunch of books that leave you feeling unsatisfied?

Both of these seem like pretty depressing options, but, in the end, it’s always about the writing. I’d much rather write something that truly satisfied me and told the story I wanted or needed to tell, even if I knew it would never be published. I don’t think I could live with myself if I knowingly published work that I would find unsatisfying. I’m my own worst critic, but I’m also my own best reader.

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?

A voice narrating everything in my head. Hell, I feel like I do this half the time already when I’m alone.

Would you rather your books be bound and covered with human skin or made out of tissue paper?

I think a book made of tissue paper would be rather pretty, actually. And the human skin thing freaked me out just thinking about it.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

I’ve had no one show up to a reading (or almost no one, that is) and it’s not so bad. I think that to pull off reading in front of packed room while naked, you would have to be very serious. And I’m never very serious at my own readings, so it would just be an awful, awkward mess.

Would you rather your book incite the world’s largest riot or be used as tinder in everyone’s fireplace?

Incite a riot. Definitely.

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?

I could not imagine not being able to write with pen or paper. I write longhand far more than I use the computer.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?

Actually, getting the entire text of The English Patient tattooed on my body doesn’t sound like a bad idea…

Would you rather meet your favorite author and have them turn out to be a total jerkwad or hate a book written by an author you are really close to?

I’d rather hate the book of someone I’m close to. They can always write more books. An asshole is an asshole.

Would you rather your book have an awesome title with a really ugly cover or an awesome cover with a really bad title?

This is a tough one. I’m such a visual person, so I’m tempted to go with the awesome cover. But then, the title comes from me, from the story itself and is so much more personal than the cover, which can often come from a publisher. I think an author can be forgiven for a bad cover, but not a bad title. So I’m going with awesome title-ugly cover.

Would you rather write beautiful prose with no point or write the perfect story badly?

If I wrote the perfect story, but wrote it badly, it would drive me crazy for the rest of my life. And sometimes beautiful prose with no point can make terrific poetry.

Would you rather write only embarrassingly truthful essays or write nothing at all?

If I couldn’t write, I couldn’t breathe. So that’s that.

Would you rather your book become an instant best seller that burns out quickly and is forgotten forever or be met with mediocre criticism but continue to sell well after you’re gone?

I think a lot of the books we call Classics, that still sell and are still in print, were considered mediocre (or even terrible) when they first came out. Their authors never had a hint of success and died starving. And look where those books are now. I would hate to be forgotten forever.

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Steph Post is the author of the novels Walk in the Fire, Lightwood and A Tree Born Crooked. She graduated from Davidson College as a recipient of the Patricia Cornwell Scholarship for creative writing and a winner of the Vereen Bell writing award for fiction. She holds a Master’s degree in Graduate Liberal Studies from the University of North Carolina Wilmington. Her short fiction and poetry have most recently appeared in in Haunted Waters: From the Depths, Foliate Oak, Kentucky Review, Vending Machine Press, Nonbinary Review and the anthology Stephen King’s Contemporary Classics. She is a regular contributor to LitReactor and has published numerous book reviews and author interviews. She has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize, a Rhysling Award and was a semi-finalist for The Big Moose Prize. She lives in St. Petersburg, Florida.

Website: www.stephpostfiction.com; Twitter: @stephpostauthor

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