Sara Ward is the author of the recently released Aesop Lake. In today's Indie Spotlight, Sara explains why it's critical in this day and age to teach our young adults how to combat and overcome bullying and intimidation in an environment that currently appears to encourgage it....
by Sarah Ward
When is the right time for a young adult novel about bullying,
harassment and being an ally? In our current political climate, our leaders act
like bullies, intimidating others, and dismissing those without power, teaching
our youngest generation of adults that the only way to get things done is to
use force and coercion.
So, when it is the right time? That time is now.
We have an opportunity to offer stories of ally-ship,
confronting the bullies, and standing up in unity. Aesop Lake is such a novel. Leda Keogh, the
17-year-old protagonist must face the challenge of doing the right thing after
witnessing a hate crime against a gay couple.
She can protect her boyfriend and her family, or face the forces that
control her, and help bring justice to a terrible situation. All too often we
are faced with challenges without the guidance and support of others who can
help us navigate to a positive outcome.
In Aesop Lake I’ve used three of Aesop’s Fables to
frame the story. These fables are simple
messages that bring us back to core values about being human, might doesn’t
make right, gentleness can be more persuasive than force, and there is strength
in unity. Without standing on moral high ground, the characters in Aesop Lake
must confront each other with words, and actions, and find the strength within
to change the future.
Even if you don’t write novels, there are many ways
that we can raise our kids to be able to stand up for others and help young
adults learn to speak up and be allies to their peers.
Here are Five Ways to Help Young Adults be Allies in
the Face of Confrontation
1. Talk about why it’s important to be an ally and what that
means. Being an ally means recognizing oppression broadly and standing in
solidarity with anyone who experiences oppression—whether or not the ally also
belongs to a targeted group. Here is a great list from tolerance.org
- Do listen and ask how you can
help / Don’t expect another person to
educate you about their identity.
- Do accept criticism thoughtfully / Don’t broadcast your
qualifications for being an ally.
- Do speak up when you hear biased
language / Don’t apologize for the actions of
your identity group.
- Do seek support from experienced
allies within your identity group / Don’t expect credit for being an
ally.
- Do acknowledge intersectionality / Don’t selectively support one
group over another.
2. Demonstrate how to stand up for others, if you don’t know
yourself, learn:
- Recognize the feeling in your gut when something is not
okay. When your stomach tightens up, your pulse quickens, you can hear the tone
shift in a conversation, where someone is trying to exert power over another,
verbally or emotionally.
- Be aware of your surroundings. Who else is around? What is
your location? If you decide to act, can you reasonably assure your safety and
that of the other person?
- Take a deep breath, and center yourself. Finding the courage
to step out of your comfort zone and speak up requires some confidence. Many
parents actually tell their children to mind their own business, don’t get
involved if someone else is causing a problem. As a parent, a social worker and
a youth group leader, I’ve talked with many teens who want to do the right
thing, but don’t feel well equipped to even try.
- Speak clearly and directly to the person being threatened.
Make eye contact with them. Ask them,
“Are you okay?” Do you need help?” Or, “May I talk with you for a moment?
- Wait for them to reply, and if the bully tells you to get
lost, you could say, “Excuse me, I am talking with this person.” And then turn
your attention back to the victim and repeat your question.
- Ask them to step away and once you have put some space
between you, ask if they are okay. What can you do to help?”
3. Get involved in social issues, shining a light on
injustices in your community. Participate in events such as gay pride parades,
Black Lives Matter events and Take Back the Night marches. Helping young adult
see that there are other people in their community that support these issues
will build their confidence in standing up for someone.
4. Set the expectation that they should help out if they see
someone being bullied or at risk of being harmed. My friend, Rachel recently
sent her son off to college with these words of wisdom; “If you see someone is
at risk of being harmed or bullied, we want you to do the right thing and stand
up for them. Don’t walk away and pretend you didn’t see it.”
5. Manage your own fears of raising an ally. As parents, we
must support our children to learn to take some risks, to let their conscience
be their guide. From the first time we watch them get on the school bus with
the big kids, to helping them move into their first apartment or dorm room, we
have our own worries about what might happen. With a healthy perspective we
don’t lay those worries on our young adult, but instead, bolster them with
confidence, reassuring them that they can do anything they set their mind to.
Raising an ally, following the previous steps, will heighten our own fears, but
it shouldn’t keep us from taking the next step.
We live in a world divided by hate groups, people
choosing sides, turning their backs on each other. But there are also plenty of
calls to action, you can stand up for what you believe in, march, protest and
write letters…
The time to do so is now.
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Sarah Ward writes
young adult fiction, poetry and journal articles in the field of child welfare.
Over a twenty-five-year career as a social worker, Sarah has worked with young
adults and families with harrowing backgrounds. She won the 2007 Editor’s
Choice Award for the New England Anthology of Poetry for her poem “Warmer
Waters,” and she is a member of the League of Vermont Writers since 2008. As a
social worker, Sarah has published several journal articles, and was recently a
co-author on an article published (December 2016) in Child and Youth Services Review titled, “Building a
landscape of resilience after workplace violence in public child welfare.” In
her limited spare time, Sarah enjoys a good book, a little yoga and a cup of
tea in her home in Williston, Vermont.
